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I invite you to take these next 21 days to explore with compassionate curiosity Self Awareness. Within a small supportive community or on your own for 10 minutes a day, we commit to the exploration of each day's topic. Developing greater Self Awareness can give us better insight into making the right choice for ourselves. It can help us recognize our feelings, thoughts and behaviors and take appropriate actions as well as improve our communication with others and boost our confidence levels.
Just a few side notes before we begin our program. I encourage you to make an agreement with yourself to complete all 21 days and to take those 10 minutes and greet your awareness with honestly, curiosity and compassion. Be open to humor and avoid criticism and judgement. If you find this difficult possibly image you as your younger self or how you would be with your son or daughter.
For greatest success set a daily reminder and you may find it useful to keep your journal/notebook with you throughout the day. Last but not least carve out a place with no distractions to allow yourself a quality 10 minutes to cultivate yourself awareness:)
If you find a topic to be triggering, please step away from the reflection and utilize your support system. We don't want to overload your nervous system!
Last but not least....... take a few minutes before we begin to set your goals or intentions for the next 21 days.
Welcome to day 1 of Cultivating Self Awareness (CSA)!
I appreciate everyone here and am excited to get started. Today we will explore the concept of self awareness and how it currently impacts your life.
Take some time to notice what you are noticing. "When you are more self aware you can see where your thoughts and emotions are guiding you"
1) What does CSA mean to me?
2) How self aware am I on a scale of 0-10?
3) In what areas am I currently self aware?
4) How can I benefit from cultivating more self awareness?
5) What needs to be in place to cultivate more self awareness?
6) What is my takeaway from today's reflection?
Welcome to Day 2!
Today is about identifying and acknowledging our Resources/Support System/Tribe and what they provide for us. "Sometimes we need someone to simply be there, not to fix anything or do anything in particular but just to let us feel that we are cared for and supported" It can be helpful to identify your resources and consciously tap into those resources on a daily basis not just in time of need.
Let's define what a Resource is......it gives us a feeling of being cared for, supported, loved, connected, nourished, replenished etc. What is not a Resource........something that makes you feel guilty, uncomfortable, sad, drained, confused etc.
Let's identify some people who are a Resource to you and what they provide. Typically one person does not provide all of our support, different people bring different things to the table.
For example 1) Sally---provides a good listening ear 2) Liz--provides fun and laughter 3) Joan--provides validation and support
Next let's identify some places that are a Resource and what it provides 1) Sitting by the river---brings peace 2) Comfy chair and blanket-- bring rest and comfort
Next let's identify some activities that are a Resource and what they provide. 1) Going for a run---helps move an intense emotion such as anger 2) Listening to music--brings connection, joy 3) Creating art--brings expression
Questions to consider.......
• What am I currently doing well regarding using my Resources?
• In what way does a lack of Resources in certain areas affect my health?
• What areas could I benefit from utilizing more Resources?
• What is my takeaway for today's reflection?
Today we are taking a look at our relationship with the cues our body sends us. How aware are we? What are the thought and beliefs that are associated with these cues? Where do I first notice these cues? We have 2 different charts to work through. The first one is noticing cues and the second one is how do you respond.
How well do I notice my cues of ……. (see the example table below for your journal entry)
How well do I respond to my cues of ……. (see the example table below for your journal entry)
How is my health being affected (in a positive or negative) by my response to these cues?
In what ways can I improve my health by noticing/responding differently to my body’s cues?
What did I take away from today’s reflection?
First up, lets define Emotions—emotions are automatic and temporary reaction to a stressor in a part of the brain not connected to thinking or reasoning(Amygdala). Emotions are a 60-90 second chemical process. MRI studies have shown that by labeling the emotion it calms the amygdala. You can be aware of the process, feel it happen and watch it go away. Beyond 90 seconds if you continue to feel the emotion, become aware of your thoughts. They are responsible for the chemical reaction to occur over and over (unless you are still in the experience such as danger)
“You can’t choose what emotion you feel, you can choose what to do with it.” Examples of Emotions ·Fear ·Joy ·Sadness ·Excitement ·Disgust ·Calm
Thoughts—thoughts are mental or cognitive processes. Our brains associate one bit of information with another and create frameworks such as beliefs, perspectives, opinions, judgements and ideas.
“Thoughts can trigger emotions!”
What percentage of time are my thoughts spent in the: Past? Present? Future?
What percentage of time are my thoughts: Negative? Neutral? Positive?
How does my body respond to these thoughts?
How does this affect my health?
What would I like to do differently?
Feelings—feelings are connected to thinking. They are a reaction to an emotion where we assign the emotion meaning. It’s our perception of a situation and it can be long lasting!
Self Talk—self talk is a combination of conscious thoughts and unconscious beliefs. It can be positive or negative in nature.
Positive self talk is supportive, it can improve self esteem, stress management and wellbeing and it provides a wider view of our lives and opportunities.
Negative self talk is self defeating, critical and can take a toll on confidence and limits personal growth over time. It also fosters depression and anxiety.
Reframing negative self talk
“I am lost, I am redirecting”
“I am a failure, I am learning”
“I am behind, I am preparing”
“I don’t have enough time, I have enough time for the things that matter most”
I’m always exhausted, I just need to take a minute to turn to my resources to revive my energy”
Becoming aware of your self talk so you can bring positive change.
What is some of my negative self talk and how can I reframe it?
What is some of my positive self talk? How can I have more
Welcome to Day 5 of Cultivating Self Awareness!
Yesterday we took some time to understand the difference between emotions, feelings and thoughts. Today we have the opportunity to bring a little more awareness into our emotions. What emotions can I allow myself to be aware of…to feel….to accept?
What emotions are harder for me to be aware of…to feel…to accept? There are many more emotions so if you have others in mind add them on.
What are some beliefs that have surfaced around any of these emotions? For example, I don’t want to feel joy because I know it will be followed by disappointment. Or, I shouldn’t be scared, I should be strong and just do it. I’m not sad, they can’t hurt me!
“Unpleasant feelings are just as crucial as the enjoyable ones in helping you make sense of life’s ups and downs. Remember, one of the primary reasons we have emotions in the first place is to help us evaluate our experience……..Acknowledging the complexity of life may be an especially fruitful path to psychological well-being.”—psychologist Jonathon Adler
Here is a possible reframe I shouldn’t be angry, she didn’t mean to hurt me---to----Experiencing and accepting anger is an important part of life and a normal part of human emotion.
What emotion/s can you reframe to allow for greater acceptance?
How does this affect my health?
What resources can I utilize to support myself in the awareness and naming of an emotion? What is my takeaway for the today?
Welcome to day 6 of Cultivating Self Awareness!
Today we have the opportunity to explore our Talents. What are your thoughts regarding this quote?
"When you don’t use your Talents they become burdens.”
The awareness of my talents align with what my friend/family member shared with me-----or-------I gained some valuable insight into how others view my talents. ·
What is my takeaway from today's reflection?
Welcome to Day 7 of Cultivating Self Awareness!
Today is a day of rest😊 and review. This is a great opportunity after 6 days of reflection to look back on your insights with fresh eyes. Maybe make a list of your takeaways and start to prioritize and develop your next steps.
How confident do you feel with this plan? If you feel on the fence about your current action what changes can you make to feel more confident?
I would love to hear your action plans😊
Welcome to day 8 of Cultivating Self Awareness! Thank you for your participation during the 1st week. We’ll start off this week exploring our limiting beliefs.
“I’m not smart enough to do that” “I can’t be successful at the career I really want” “I can’t learn how to do it”
1st step is to identify them…….What limited belief/s do I have that hold me back in life?”
Why do we form these limiting beliefs? Our brains remember what has happened in the past and tries to help us by convincing us to avoid the “danger”. The “danger” may be something like being told by a teacher when you were growing up that girls didn’t do those types of jobs, or being made fun of because you read slowly, or feeling really upset that you didn’t make a sports team that all of your friends made etc.
Different types of Beliefs
2nd step is to confront them…ask yourself if it is a fact? For example is it a fact that I can’t learn how or is it something I have just struggled with in the past?
3rd step is to reframe the limiting belief……. My past struggles with learning provide me with the opportunity to find different approaches that better suite me as an individual. My past frustration with learning has motivated me to put in place a strong support system that fits my specific needs.
What’s my takeaway for todays reflection?
Today we will explore Compassion😊
“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”—Dalai Lama
Let’s first take a look at what Self Compassion is: Kristen Neff PHD and author of the book Self-compassion defines it as self-kindness (being gentle and understanding with ourselves versus critical), recognizing our common humanity (feeling connected with others in the experience of life), mindfulness (holding our experience in balanced awareness rather than ignoring our pain or exaggerating it)
Some good news, we can train our mind for compassion, joy and good will towards others and ourselves. We are at our happiest when we experience these states of mind.
In what ways do I show myself compassion? Celebrate the times you have shown compassion towards yourself.
What is the impact of not showing myself compassion? How does my body respond to the judging and criticism?
How would cultivating more compassion benefit me? Side note…..studies show that our bodies produce 100% more DHEA (a hormone that counteracts aging) and 23% less cortisol (stress hormone) when practicing compassion.
Some ideas to cultivate compassion for yourself.
As you take a moment to reflect on today’s topic of compassion, what will you takeaway and possibly implement?
Welcome to Day 10 of Cultivating Self Awareness! Emotional Intelligence is our topic for today and its one of my favorites. The other kind of smart.
“Emotional maturity doesn’t come with age, it comes from Self-awareness.” ----Tony Eletto
What is emotional intelligence? Emotional Intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand and manage your own emotions as well as being able to understand and manage the emotions of others. It involves being aware that emotions drive behaviors and impact people either positively or negatively.
Research points to emotional intelligence as the critical factor that sets high performers from the rest of the pack. People use to believe that high IQ is what determined success until studies shown that average IQ outperformed high IQ 70% of the time. This is when Emotional intelligence came on the scene as the other kind of smart.
Let’s take a look at the 4 Core skills and how we assess ourselves
“In what ways would building emotional intelligence positively affect my relationships at home and at work? How would this impact my health?”
How do we build Emotional Intelligence?
To build Emotional intelligence we need to have effective communication between the rational and emotional centers of our brain.
When looking at the 4 core skills of emotional intelligence, what are my strongest areas? Bring some awareness to what you are currently doing well and celebrate it😊
Which core skill would I like to work on to build my emotional intelligence?
In what ways will I work on this skill?
How will building my Emotional Intelligence have a positive impact on my interactions and relationships? How will this affect my health?
Welcome to Day 11 our half way point! Congratulations for doing the tough work of self reflection😊
This is a great opportunity to look back at the awareness you have gained in the last 10 days and to get curious about what else you can gain from this 10 minutes of reflection.
Today’s topic is how we handle problems in life, setbacks, roadblocks, not getting what we want…. “Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.” ---The Dalai Lama
When faced with a setback what thoughts do I have?
How do I handle a roadblock and how does my body react?
Problems can be a great opportunity
When wanting to make changes or to accomplish something in life it requires a mentality of commitment. If we are training for a race or committing to a college degree or changing careers it requires consistent attention towards our goals. A mentality of “oh I’ll just give it a try” probably won’t get us far.
What ways can I approach problems from a mind set of “training” vs “trying” to change?
What can I take away from today’s reflection?
How can this positively affect my health?
Welcome to Day 12😊 Each one of these reflections is a great opportunity to bring yourself some compassion! Today….
Asking for what we want and need.
“If you never ask, you will never get it”
1)What wants/needs can I identify that I struggle asking for? Examples: reassurance, conversation, help at work, help with the kids, help with keeping the house, hugs, laughter etc.
Some reasons why we don’t ask for what we need according to Author May Pang
2)What reasons can I identify as to why I don’t ask for what I want or need?
fMRI brain imaging shows the impact of our emotional and physical pain and that our brains can’t distinguish between them.
“The nervous system remains active when emotional needs are not processed.” –Bessel van der Kolk
Some tips on how to ask
1)What need or want am I going to ask for and what is my strategy for asking?
2)What needs or wants do I already ask for that I will celebrate?
Welcome to Day 13! Today we have the opportunity to dive in to our Awareness of how we handle our triggers and stresses…..and then tomorrow we can take a much deserved day of rest😊 * If thinking about triggers/stresses is too much for your nervous system please take care of yourself and consider what is best for you and that may be not participating in this reflection. Sidenote, if that is something you choose for yourself today, great job on your awareness and empowering yourself to do what’s best for your system.
We are using the terms triggered/stressed in the physiological meaning of something activating the Nervous System.
Currently what negative actions do I take when triggered?
What healthier actions do I want to replace them with?
Knowing emotional triggers are a part of life how can I make some changes that will positively improve my health?
When have I chosen healthier responses to being triggered/stressed?
Good Morning and welcome to Day 14 of Cultivating Self Awareness! Today is an opportunity for rest from self reflection, or possibly some time to review your past week to remind yourself of all of your strengths and successes, prioritize any changes that you want to make and develop an Action Plan.
If you want to do a little self reflection a great topic to explore would be “How Do I Celebrate My Successes?”
Do I take the time to acknowledge my strengths and successes?
What does that look like and feel like?
How can I have an even greater impact on my health by celebrating my successes?
Welcome to Day 15 and our final week of Cultivating Self Awareness!
So far we have looked into our awareness of many aspects of our health and wellness. Today we will explore Spirituality and its important role.
Spirituality can mean different things to different people. Some identify with a specific religion, or simply a higher power.
“Health is a state of complete harmony of the body, mind and spirit.”---B.K.S Iyengar
What role does spirituality play in my daily life?
Researchers have studied spirituality and listed the benefits for both our physical and mental health
How do I feel most connected to higher power?
How do I notice the positive effects of spirituality on my health?
In what ways would I like to build my spiritual practice?
In what ways do I already have a strong spiritual practice?
How do I notice the impact on my physical and mental health?
Welcome to day 16 of Cultivating Self Awareness. Today let’s take a look at What we Enjoy, What do we find Fun, What gives us a Sense of Awe, What makes us Feel Alive?
What do I enjoy doing?
How do I experience it as joy? How does my body feel joy?
What do I find fun? How does my body experience it as fun?
What gives me a sense of awe?
What makes me feel alive?
How can I add more of this into my daily life?
How will my health benefit from this?
How does building self awareness bring more enjoyment to my life?
Welcome to Day 17 of Cultivating Self Awareness!
Today let’s grow our awareness of our Creativity…….
“The best use of imagination is creativity. The worst use of imagination is anxiety.”—Deepok Chopra
How often to I express creativity (at home, at work, with family)?
In what ways do I currently express creativity?
Research continues to validate what many people already knew about using creativity. It allows us to not only create beautiful work but also bring fresh perspective, problem-solving, brings both physical and mental renewal. Using our creativity can lessen stress and anxiety as well as shame , anger and depression by creating an avenue of releasing and allowing these emotions to move through.
What do I experience when I use my creativity?
How would I like to see more creativity in my life on a daily basis, weekly basis, yearly basis? What new areas of using creativity would I like to explore?
Welcome to Day 18 on the final stretch of Cultivating Self Awareness. I hope you are all gaining some valuable self awareness. I continue to as I reflect each day.
Let’s spend some time reflecting on What Drains us and What Charges Us.
“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.” ---Anne Lemott
Drain – identify specific things/people/events that Drain my energy (these are some of mine)
Charges—identify specific things/people/events that Charge my energy (these are also some of mine)
Knowing that certain things in life cannot be avoided, being consciously aware of their affect on us puts us in a position of influence over our day to day experiences. Becoming aware of how exhausting having to rush all day makes me, puts me in a position of power to make better decisions and planning instead of being a victim to the day. When I am aware of getting caught up in over thinking (especially something I can’t change) and how mentally tiring that is I choose to focus my attention on something I want to create.
“Be intentional with what you say yes to and what you say no to.” – Fran Hauser
What Drains do I want to bring conscious awareness to so I can limit or make changes?
What changes will I make to address these Drains?
What Charges do I currently do a good job of fitting into my day/week/month?
How will I fit more Charges into my day?
Welcome to Day 19😊 Let’s take a minute to reflect on how much Self Awareness you have gained in the last 18 days! It takes a lot of strength to look inward and I think that is to be celebrated!!!!!
Today’s reflection is about gaining awareness of how often we React vs Responding……..
Reacting to a situation would be considered meeting one action with another in an emotional, immediate and rash way.
Responding to a situation would be in a considerate and deliberate way, allowing opportunity to try to figure out the cause and consider solutions.
In the wise words of Warren Buffett, “You will continue to suffer if you have an emotional reaction to everything that is said to you. True power is sitting back and observing things with logic. True power is restraint. If words control you that means everyone else can control you. Breath and allow things to pass.”
In the past what challenging situation/s have I Responded instead of Reacting? In what ways was I resourced that supported me in a Response and not a Reaction?
Here is another opportunity for the Viktor Frankl quote, “Between the stimulus and the response there is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.”
Here are some tips to train for a conscious Response
Most importantly this is a great opportunity to practice giving yourself the compassion you deserve by allowing yourself to make mistakes.
In what ways do I do a great job Responding in a thoughtful way?
In what ways would I like to train to Respond in a more thoughtful way?
Welcome to Day 20! I appreciate your commitment to the process of Cultivating Self Awareness. By reflecting on a daily basis we train ourselves to become more self aware and compassionate and less critical shifting us from a passive role in life to putting us in the driver seat.
Today let’s take a closer look at What Ways We Trust Ourselves and What Ways We Distrust Ourselves
“A bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because its trust is not in the branch but in its own wings.”—unknown
What areas in life have I lacked trust in myself?
What times in life have I trusted myself and what did I gain from these experiences?
What can I gain from having more trust in myself?
Here are some tips to gain trust in yourself
Welcome to Day 21 our last day of Cultivating Self Awareness! Congratulations for dedicating 21 days of slowing down and looking inward.
“Be your own spectator; seek your own applause.”----Seneca
My interpretation of this is “Be self aware; celebrate yourself.”
Today let’s gather all of our successes over the past 3 weeks and acknowledge each one. Give each success the attention it deserves.
Allow yourself to revisit the moment.
How did your body experience the success?
Remember the resources that were in place and the strengths you used to overcome the challenges.
“In order to change, people need to become aware of their sensations and the way that their bodies interact with the world around them. Physical self-awareness is the first step in releasing the tyranny of the past.”—Bessel Van der Kolk
This 21 days of Cultivating Self Awareness will continue to be available so you will be able to work your way through it again at your own pace to allow for more integration. Maybe grab a friend to bounce ideas off and to support each other through some of the more difficult reflections.
Thank you for your participation! I appreciate all of the experiences you have shared and I acknowledge the strength it takes to be vulnerable to look inward.
21 Days of Cultivating Self Awareness (pdf)
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